September 27, 2023

How do we measure pain?

How does it differ from person to person?

Is emotional pain equal to physical pain?

I can’t answer these questions, but I can say, I have had my fair share of both. Pain is weakness leaving the body. I must be a warrior. My birth caused Brachial Plexus Palsy; by merely being born, I experienced life threatening pain. My very first moments of life were excruciating. My head was nearly ripped off, my right arm was shattered, the muscles and tendons and bones were twisted and displaced.

But I lived!

Everyone in my family, thought less of me, they all thought that I couldn’t do regular things because of my arm. I proved them all wrong. I have never let it hold me back, or used it as an excuse. If a problem arises, I figure out a way to get the job done or last case scenario, I ask for help.

I despise asking for help.

Most people that know me don’t even think about my arm. EXACTLY how I want it to be. My “bad arm,” has never defined me as a person. Never been a “crutch” for me to get out of something. I may look a little different doing some things but who cares. I don’t think about how I look, I’m just taking care of business.

My kindergarten teacher refused to teach me how to write with my left hand, so I learned with my bad arm. My penmanship is better than most men. Lol.

There have been many times where people discredit me. I’m okay with that. I don’t carry that burden. Not that it didn’t hurt as a kid that the ballet instructor wouldn’t take me as a student, or the cheer leading squad wouldn’t let me join, or the military. I know my limitations. I cannot properly salute. I get it. But the pain was still there from rejection, none the less. I don’t hate having a bad arm. In fact, I love it, because it is who I am. It helped me become who I am. It taught me determination. I’m a fighter. I will keep going, and not give up. I’m not saying I don’t get scared, or that I have never ran away. I have. Sometimes I let insecurities fill my mind and whenever I let that happen, I ALWAYS fail.

Sometimes, I let those who love me get inside my head, and I FAIL.

I know I have insecurities.

I just have to learn to fight them.