So, I have been writing this blog for a few years now.
Those that have been reading, I appreciate it. However, I am going to be switching it up from my typical posts and making it more focused on causes of “trauma.”
I have posted some things about trauma, most of my writings are a form of therapy I use to overcome trauma I have seen. That is the “PTS Discussion,” it is a therapeutic process you develop on your own in order to overcome hardships that you have faced. Post-Trauma is Sad….. it is a Discussion to be had. But a lot of this stuff is from school papers I had to write, sometimes school work is traumatic.
I have this theory about different nodes of media use; from telephone, to text, to social media, and even online dating sites. What is the hype anyways? Is online dating just another form of social media suicide? You know, the ones where people go off the rails… giving all the details about themselves and opening themselves up to be judged? Then judging you for not being what they want you to be?
Is online dating a different form of virtue signaling?
Seems like most people never want to meet and just want to talk to you endlessly validating their ego; never really allowing for the relationship to turn into anything meaningful… before moving towards “ghosting” you, and onto the next guy or girl. It is just like the validation someone gets from a like, or when they share your post. This a people condition, no single side is less guilty than the other.
If 80% of communication is nonverbal? Then we end up taking 20% of “how” someone words something, as a 100% of “what” they actually mean to say.
Perception is Reality!
How we perceive what others mean, is our the perception of reality we conceive!
We end up not actually hearing anything anyone says and forming our opinions based on words on a screen, rather than actions like facial expressions, eye movements, and tone of voice or a simple hand gestures!
We judge a person based entirely on what we think they mean, rather than what they actually mean. We never give the relationship a chance to turn into anything, at least not anything meaningful that will last.
All written words are up for interpretation!
The dopamine hit kicks in!
Your adrenaline starts pumping!
You get ready to send the first message!
Then all of a sudden, you hit send and instantly regret it!
Now you wait, you wonder…. Was that clever reply enough to deserve another in return? You are uncertain, so you turn your phone off and then you wait. Wondering what is taking so long. Then you realize that they probably have a thousand different messages. I have asked a lot of people about their dating experiences and even dent a lot of random messages myself with the intention of having a dating experience. Girls I wanted to talk to only responded when I said something interesting or relevant to their bio. I focused on them and tried to avoid talking about myself. If I talked about myself too much, sometimes I would get ghosted randomly. This is the phenomenon I am speaking of!
Anyways, the whole online dating thing is pretty strange. It seems like a place where all self-confidence goes in order to commit suicide. I know that is a touchy subject for people who have experienced trauma, but I am not talking about taking your own life. I am talking about you willingly sacrificing your confidence in order to hopefully get a date, a date with someone trying to also get a date; both of you forming opinions of each other based on words you type into a tiny screen, rather than actually meeting up in real life with and feeling that connection flourish. Then you think and wonder how many people they are also talking to as you think about all the people you are responding too. So it kills your self-confidence, by temporarily inflating your ego only to be crushed when you are ghosted, or they are board and move onto the next convo.
So how could we make the dating experience better? Has social media had such an impact on the dating world, that people no longer understand what to do in order to influence others and get them to like you? The world changes from the screen to reality.
