I FEEL AS THOUGH I WANT TO SCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

I know I am on my own. No one can help me get through this. At least I had a small heads up that it was coming.

I feel very very betrayed. Backstabbed.

And the reason is my own fault. I allowed them to treat me badly and now they are so used to it, that they can say and do these things with a smile and a laugh, and I’m supposed to smile and laugh while they literally slit my throat!

I’m expected to worry and help them with this but I’m cast out and left to fend for myself.

But, only after I help them of course.

I am “just like family” which of course means “the help”. ☹☹☹☹☹

I still don’t understand how I can let it hurt me so much when none of this is new information.

I have been through this so many many times, but somehow I always let myself right back in the situation of my emotions feeling the “family “ connection. When that simply isn’t a possibility.

I mean, just because someone tells you that they will give thirty thousand dollars doesn’t mean  they will follow through with it. I was very stupid to believe that he would do that for me.

And I can have my computer, but I must delete 10 years of myself from it.

Okay…..

So … lets look at the positive side of things.

I am finally free of being treated like an imbecile. Like I am not worthy of the simplest of human conditions. I am free of this.

Robbie thinks he is so far above everyone else.  When I am one of the few who have broken my back to hold him up. I took hit after hit to my own self to make sure he was seen in a good light. I took responsibility for mistakes he made to make him look good- SO MANY TIMES!!

BACK TO POSITIVITY—-

No more coming to Jackson!!!!!

I can start the next phase of my life. The good part. 😊 😊 😊 <3

I don’t have to keep planning the party!!!!!

I had been planning them a surprise party to close things out with on  a good note. But since I am getting let go ahead of time, I am not going to be involved any longer.

Sorry Jason, it is up to you, now.

I had visions of this GIANT PARTY with everyone, but it looks like I won’t get to be a part of that and it hurts.

I know I have to go through this to move on to the better life that is a head of me. It still hurts.

The thing is, how do I keep coming here for 20 more days?

I don’t want to be here anymore.  Next week Stanlee is having 2 surgeries!!!! One on each eye.

So it will just be me and Robbie and I just know he is going to be so awful to me. He always is when She is not around. But he needs me here to do payroll for him. Heck, he might get so bad that he sends me home anyway and tries to do it by himself.

Oh well. it is what it is. I will survive. I’m not actually dying. I will be okay and trust that God has a better plan for me. I am VERY VERY THANKFUL to have had this job for the better part of 10 years.