Here is what a “flashback” looks like. It is a thought, a lingering distant memory. I cannot really see it, unless I look inside. The feelings are what I hide, but the feelings back then are how I think about the events now. The thoughts I have now are how I change what I know I felt back then.
This is super confusing and took me a dozen years to even realize what I was seeing, because I have always seen my memories like a movie. How can people forget what they have seen? This is how the thoughts began, as I stared off into the distance from my balcony and reflected on the past years.
January 8th 2020
Wednesday is the day and I am watching as my friend and I stare blankly into the desert. We see no enemy, no sign of terrorists anywhere. Yeah kids would sneak up on post. Sometimes even shoot up our post, one time killing a fellow Marine. But it was never a ‘terrorist’ in a sense that you think of one. But even then you see yourself, your friend shoots himself in the head because he was picked on so much by the senior Marines. Any Marine will know what I talk about when I mention this. I will leave it at that.
So you never really see the enemy; they are usually in the open. It could be anybody that is in the area, just walking around. That is the idea! You can’t even find the one, to be the violent one by who is more vocal. Because there are those who inspire violence and are vocal, but do not do violence themselves. That begs to answer another set of questions, what determines what is acceptable? What is moral? What is right and what or who determines what is immoral?
I have seen what Iraq looked like before we went there and I saw it while I was there and I disagree with it 100% that we ever stepped foot there. Afghanistan has never been conquered. Genghis Khan tried and failed, Napoleon tried and failed, Russia tried and failed. Why would we try? Why would we knowingly go into something, knowing we are going to fail?
The idea is the violence and you can not squash an idea with violence. You can only change it from within.